Lyle Rossman Archives
Lyle’s Barely Legible Journal
George and Sonya at their 50th Anniversary in the RCA Tower in 1978, Anne, Jeff and I were introduced to alcohol, lots of alcohol!
Pictured: Sonya, Anne and Linda during our drive to Alaska on The Alaska Highway in 1971
In 1996 my dad and I drove 1085 miles to Cabo San Lucas from Tijuana International Airport, then back – * IN 6 DAYS *
Lyle’s daughter, Anne, interviewing Grandma Rossman
Here is the unedited scanned journal my dad wrote during our trip to Europe when I was 7. Click here to read the story.
Here’s the book dad and I worked on together. He wrote it, but I published it and mom and I edited it.
Click here to order the book.
Lyle’s Journey With Cancer
Discovery
My first round with cancer began 11 years ago. I went to the urologist for a kidney stone. Because of an elevated PSA he chose to do a biopsy of the prostate. While waiting to have the stones zapped he informed me they found a little bit of cancer. It’s always a little bit. Luckily I was heavily sedated. He set up a time with my then partner Wally to meet with him. Have you ever been hit repeatedly with a sledgehammer?
Actually, the Dr. was very caring and thorough and explained the situation and treatment options. Wally clearly remembers my reaction – GET IT OUT OF ME. The options were to do nothing, but since my life expectancy was more than 10 years he recommended surgery.
This time coincided with the purchase of our condo in Florida….
Next Phase
…I left off at purchasing the condo. Thereof a parallel 11 years later as you will see.
Before surgery Wally covered the new carpet with plastic. I woke up from surgery with a catheter. It took time for me to learn how to maneuver into and out of bed and to empty the bag without spilling. After removal of the catheter I was incontinent for about 3 months and had to wear Depends. The first night that I was dry was a real thrill and I was on my way to a new sense of normalcy.
However, the biggest trauma was the dramatic change in my sexual functioning. This was major shift in Wally and my sexual relationship. One side comment, everyone wanted to know how I was doing, but they rarely acknowledged the pain that Wally experienced in the change in our sexual relationship. The joy during this time was the biannual check with a PSA almost negative and no return of the cancer.
During this time Wally and I went through a period of mourning about the change in our relationship. Mine was about the loss of my potency and cessation as I viewed of a sexual life. Something that was important enough to end a beautiful marriage.
3 years ago Wally and I separated, although we have remained the best of friends. I was left with the mistaken idea that my body could give me no more joy and no one would want a 72 year old man who had prostate cancer and was impotent.
One of my strengths is my ability to reach out and make friends. None of them abandoned me at this time. In Florida I have been blessed to be a part of a support group that met weekly. They were very patient in allowing me to talk about my pain. As a result I found several beautiful men my age who were willing to spend time with me and we could hold one another. 2 were interested in being partners. My whole self image began to change and I began to redefine myself, both sexually and socially to begin to enjoy life again. Many of the techniques and ideas I received from Pathways and Quantum Healing in Florida helped me on my path to be alive in life. Although both agencies came later and helped solidify my joy. Tomorrow I will talk about the discovery of stomach and liver cancer and how it affected my life and got me to Pathways.
Stomach Cancer
About 2 years ago I was having trouble swallowing because of a Schotzke’s ring. I went to my gastroenterologist. He gave me my sedation, instructed me to tell him about my family and when I asked when he was going to do the procedure he said it was done. Versed is great.
He stretched my throat and also performed an Endoscopy. The Dr. assured me everything was fine. I went home feeling relieved until two days later I received a call from his stating that the Dr. wanted to see on Monday morning. There were no negotiations and the nurse could not give me any information, thus began a weekend of high anxiety.
On Monday the Dr. had returned a sample from the biopsy that disclosed a tiny bit of cancer. He wanted me to meet with a surgeon but after he and I consulted with my internist I was referred to Minnesota Oncology. All of this occurring before my journey with Pathways began. I will continue later….
Stomach Cancer 2
…My first meeting with the oncologist laid out the scope of the problem. Treatment plan: Stomach surgery. If no cancer is found outside the stomach there is no need to go further however if it is outside the stomach it may involve chemo/ radiation. By the way, one of the most supportive things at this stage were the many friends and family who were willing to take to Dr. Appt’s and wait for me at the hospital.
My 2nd meeting was with the surgeon who explained what would be happening. One supportive feature is primary nurses on call regularly to help deal with stress and anxiety. The day arrived and my friend Tim took me to the hospital and waited for me. One of the really great surprises was to wake up from surgery and see Tim and my former wife at the foot of my bed. The anesthesia had me on another planet. The Dr. explained that the good news was that they were able to save half of my stomach. The bad news was that they found a trace of cancer outside the stomach.
Because of the major role it played in my recovery I will relate the recovery and my reaction to the morphine. I was clearly on another planet and frequently asked for morphine. I clearly had something similar to a psychotic break. It was early evening and I asked for morphine. It seemed like ages and they did not come. I couldn’t understand why the nurses were having such a loud party in the hall. I had tube down my throat and was unable to have anything pass my lips for 4 days; probably one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. I could not understand the lack of professionalism and attention. I was convinced that I had been kidnapped by a cult and I was not going to let them take the tube out in the morning. I had my cell phone and I called Allina my primary care provider. The person on the phone was not a nurse and it was after hours and she decided to refer to the hospital administrator. My second call was to a very dear lesbian friend, Carol, who had been a nurse. She came to my aid at 10:30 at night and talked me trough it. I am blessed to have so many wonderful friends. After calming down and being convinced I was in the hospital and safe I had to figure how to get through the night. Here’s where the joy came in. I decided that if I survived, I would have an L’Haim (to life) party in February when I was in Florida. (I have a DVD of the party). I meticulously went through my friends. What each one meant to me, whether they were in Florida, California, Minnesota, Ohio, and elsewhere. The whole night was spent in the joy of reconnecting in my mind with the ones I loved. I put special emphasis on their country of origin, planning music to represent each and everyone. This took the entire night. When I shared this with my good friends, Norm, Karen, Anna, Steve, Patrick, and many more they made it happen. I have the DVD and CD. When I talked to the hospital administrator she implied my experiences were not unusual but that I could remember them was. The tube was removed the next day and I had many apologies to make to a lot of great nurses.
That’s enough for tonight…
Stomach Cancer 3
One of the things that has kept me strong and in good spirits has been the overwhelming love and caring, not the least was all the support I received from Pathways. You, Carol, Nora and all the other people shared their love and caring. I’m talking about this now because as my oncologist and I mapped a treatment plan many of my friends were with me all the way. I never went to a Dr.s appt. or treatment without someone with me to hold my hand and/or cry with me. I was never alone. My son, Nathan, from San Diego came and stayed with me for about six weeks. Jeff, my other son went to the Dr. with me and my first radiologist appt. as well as chemo. My daughter was there all the way, as well as the grandchildren. Friends that went above and beyond the call of duty were Tim who went to appt.’s and surgeries and the hospital. Steve went with me to Mayo and stayed overnight when I revived a second opinion and was told I had maybe 9 1/2 months to live. My nephew, Phillip and his wife Veronica took me for two weeks during the very hot summer as I had no air conditioning. Anna offered to let me stay at her home. Tom my landlord and my friend Vern took me to the emergency room and stayed with me on separate occasions. The list goes on. Florida and Ohio folks called and wrote regularly. I never knew there could be so much love in the world.
I met with Dr. Bloom after the surgery and he, with a lot sensitivity and caring, laid out my options. I could go with no treatment and have a 50 percent chance of survival or I could go for chemo and radiation and increase my odds to 75 percent. Tim was with me and held my hand as I cried. I was not ready to commit myself. I took a week or two to process the options. No one was willing to accept my thoughts of no treatment. After all I was 72 and had a full life. Tim and I returned to Dr. Bloom and treatment was laid out: 5 consecutive days of treatment and then 2 weeks off. This cycle to be completed 5 or 6 times (I can’t remember) and 40 consecutive days of radiation.
P.S. I’m still irritated that when they put on the tattoos they only made all dots rather than fancy butterfly’s on my stomach. I will stop for know and the next segment will follow with the treatment process and how I coped.
Stomach Cancer 4
This section is hard to write. I had such high hopes, 75 percent chance of recovery and I was willing to go through whatever it took. Clearly the results were disappointing.
For fifteen weeks chemo consisted of 5 days of chemo and then 2 weeks off. In the middle I had 40 radiation treatments excluding weekends and one holiday. Needless to say my time was almost totally co-opted.
Here, not chronological, but summarized were my side effects. Dr. Bloom indicated I had the worst side effects of any patient he had seen. The first round of chemo was a snap except that I have rolling veins and I quickly agreed to surgery to implant a port. A good choice as IV’s and blood draws were much simpler.
After the first week I developed mouth sores and lost my appetite. I dropped from 210 lbs. to a low of 144 lbs. The second week saw a heat wave and I had no air conditioning. My nephew and his family took me in until the heat wave subsided. Veronica, Phil’s wife, was very concerned as I hardly ate. Tom, my friend and landlord, went out and bought me an air conditioner. Tom was very dear and whenever he came home he persuaded me to go out and eat. At that time I survived on mashed potatoes and egg drop soup. Despite how painful it was for him to watch me struggle he never gave up.
As treatment progressed I became more and more dehydrated resulting in difficulty standing. I went through many weeks both during days of chemo and off weeks where routinely I had two hours at a time with IV’s to pump liquids into me. Standing up and holding onto the wall was a routine. Apparently when you sit or lie down blood flows to your lower extremities and when you stand up it takes time for the heart to pump blood to the head. I had at least 4 trips to the emergency room to deal with this issue. My son Nathan, bless his heart, came from San Diego to stay with me. During one of these episodes Nathan, with my blessing, went for a walk. I assured him I would stay in bed and be O. K. He walked around Lake Harriet. I got up to go to the kitchen for some medications. I woke up at the door to the kitchen, don’t know how I got there, with blood pouring from my head. Panic. I got back to the bed and tried Nathan on the cell. No luck. I then called a very dear friend Vern, who lived about 5 or 6 blocks away. He came right over. I had to get to the door to let him in. He was getting ready to take me to the ER room when Nathan came in. Nathan took me to the ER and I had 11 staples in my head. Nathan you are precious and don’t feel bad that you went for a walk, it worked out fine.
During the course of treatment I had at 4 trips to the ER. Tom took me once, Nathan took me once, and the ambulance twice. My white blood count dropped dangerously twice and I spent at least 2 three or four day stretches in isolation at Abbott Northwestern. There were at least 2 occasions when they sent me over to Abbott for 8 hours for blood transfusions. This all ended on January 6 when I left for Florida. Luckily I had little physical pain or nausea, I do remember the overwhelming fatigue. I am so fortunate to have a wealth of friends to help me whether this. The next installment will be how I made it.
Stomach Cancer 5
After all the side effects it is time to talk about how I survived: friends and love; lots of friends and love.
Immediately after being diagnosed I met with a dear friend, Chuck. He was also struggling with different health problems. We decided to form a support group. We quickly identified 2 other men and formed a group to meet every week. Jim and Reg became good friends and except for Wednesday’s, group time and weekends we met at the Caribou at Lunds almost every morning at 9:00. This has continued for over two years while I am in Minnesota. We can laugh, talk about the after life and death and dying as well as be very gay.
During the worst periods of my treatment my son, Nathan who came from San Diego to help for about 6 weeks and Kong who I hired for 7 weeks to stay with me drove me daily to coffee and on Wednesday to my group. More later….
Stomach Cancer 6
I had many angels that helped me through that first year and beyond. 2 of the most important were my sons Jeff and Nathan. Nathan, bless his heart came from San Diego to stay with me for about six weeks. Wally’s friend Kong stayed with me for the next. Nathan drove to chemo, radiation, went to the Dr.s and the emergency room with me. He made sure that I did not just lay around the house and mope. His first task was to work closely with me on the computer and after endless hours of proof-reading and reviewing hundreds of family pictures we published “Lyle’s Fantastic Journey” which can be purchased on Amazon.com. It’s a wonderful legacy for my family and nieces and nephews.
Recognizing that I thrived by being around people, he made sure I got to my morning coffee, bridge, and my weekly rummy cubes games with my dear friend Ila. He persuaded me to eat and drink water when I thought it was impossible. Both he and {?} made sure I did not lie in bed and pout. They were alert when medical situations arose. I could not have made it without them.
My son Jeff made sure I was OK and visited regularly as well as going to the oncologist, radiologist, and my first treatment. After these treatments began I started to experience extreme fatigue. After being diagnosed as terminal Jeff arranged to have lunch with me every Thursday. My daughter Anne showed great support.
Numerous others, particularly Tim and Steve went over and above the call of duty. It was phenomenal to cry on Tim’s shoulder when they told me I was terminal. I would not be here if Steve, in his stubborn way, determined I was not in shape to drive to Florida. He drove me and made sure I got to support groups and friends in Ft. Lauderdale. He also made sure I got to the beach. This year after I was determined to be in remission he stayed with me for two months in Florida. He did not drive me down as Nathan came to Minnesota and drove me though (my family lives there).
Karen and Norm helped compile music for my L’Haim party last year – music representing 26 countries and many states. Many of my friends in Minnesota made my party one of the greatest successes of my life. Without Norm and Karen, and Anna and Steve from Minnesota, and George, Alex, Debbie from Florida I wouldn’t have pulled off. Over 40 people 15 neighbors, mostly Jewish widows, 15 gay men from mostly Ft. Lauderdale and we all got along all because I did the Morphine Tango during my stomach surgery recovery.
I had many masses and prayers said for me and for the non-religious they made it clear their love and wishes were with me.
I need to acknowledge my former wife, Linda and my former partner Wally for all the love and support they gave. It certainly is healing energy at its best. Next is diagnosis of terminal cancer.
Meet Pathways
Leaving San Diego was one of the more painful experiences. All indications were that I would never see California and these friends again. It was the longest plane ride ever; lots of reflecting. I succeeded by going back to my childhood. I was a chorister for the Sunday school at my church. One of my tasks was to select the hymns and lead the congregation. During this flight I kept replaying these hymns and one of them has become my mantra. When under stress “Jesus is
Tenderly Calling” bubbles up from nowhere. I didn’t know what Mantra was.
After arriving home, Dan, from our support group suggested I go to Pathways. I showed up at the door the next Wednesday after group and I was met by Carol. She took me aside and encouraged me to talk about dying and how hard it is. She helped me stay centered. I made it clear that whether I had 3 days or 4 months everyday had to be the best day of my life. Saying goodbye to my friends and family was to be my major task. Carol helped support the idea that my life was not over and shared with me that I was still alive. I met Dan, Nora and warm and loving people at this time. Talking about Reiki and being exposed to energy healing at Pathways the next week seemed like a sign. Carol pointed out that positive energy was flowing my way.
As I was leaving Carol wanted to know if I had some free time as one of the providers appointments had cancelled. Not knowing what I was getting into I experienced Shiatsu, one of the really great experiences of my life. He explained Meridian Points and healing energy entering my body. I went on blind faith and I found that trust prolonged my life. I realized that I did not to understand to allow the energy to enter and heal body. I will write more later…
Pathways Experience
During the 5 months at Pathways I learned many new things and received amazing support. Nora would frequently call me that an appointment had been cancelled and I was able to receive an array of experiences: each one teaching me something new. The experiences included: Healing Touch, Shiatsu, Mari-El Healing, Middendorf Breathing, and Dharmic experiences. I ended my year with the 9 week course on Renewing Life.
Let’s start with Healing Touch. I learned the value of touch to healing the soul. I had several experiences that when the session was over, I tried to persuade the provider that I was someplace wonderful and did not want to come back. These experiences have become useful when combined with work at the Quantum Healing center as they became a major part of my meditation.
My first experience at Pathways was Shiatsu. Massaging the meridian points and allowing the healing energy flow into my body was an awesome experience.
Mari-El Healing gave me the tools to examine where we put the pain in the different organs of our body and directed me on the path to forgiving myself first and others. When dying, forgiveness and goodbyes are very important to me.
A meeting on Dharmic thought helped put my positive feelings in perspective. I read the book, “The Tibetan Book on Living and Dying”. One of the comments that I read was that Positive Energy (love, compassion, empathy, and caring) will increase and support your immune system and heal the cells. Negative energy (anger, resentment, false pride, striving to be what you think others want you to be, etc.) will create malignant cells. All of the people I met at Pathways helped increase my joy of living every moment, every day, to the fullest.
The next E-mail will be on Renewing Life.
Renewing Life
Continuing on my journey with Pathways….
Carol urged me to sign-up for the 9 week course in Renewing Life. It really was a life changing event. On the first meeting I described myself as dying, probably within a year. My goals were to live fully during this time and to complete some of the tasks such as saying good-bye to friends in San Diego, Ohio, Florida, and Minnesota. I needed to do my advance planning project, which Jeff participated in for two hours with a representative from Allina, complete plans for a memorial, and share division of my estate and so forth with the kids. The course did not focus on these issues. It focused more on my living fully for now. The support of the leaders plus the other (about 12) participants was a real eye-opener in thinking positively and live fully from day to day.
Two outstanding projects helped direct my life. The first was an assimilation of the soul leaving the body, sitting in a chair facing the body and telling the body how it saw it and what it could do. My soul apologized for many Big Macs, etc. It also committed itself to seeing that the body could receive as much human touch. I do believe that human touch, at least for me can be very healing, and I believe that both in the sessions at Pathways and the general contact with many people I received a generous portion of healing touch. I spent a lot of time getting in touch with all parts of my body and realizing how sensuous of total body is. I learned to incorporate breathing, chakras, etc. into my thoughts. I will elaborate more with my experiences in Florida which included some meetings with representatives from the Quantum Healing Center in Delray Beach. It put me onto the path of exploring much of my body and soul and I learned to trust that my soul would offer me unexpected rewards if I only trusted in its love and beauty.
The second experience was writing a love letter to myself, and indeed we can love our selves and many others. I shared my vision of positive energy and love I continually received remarkable and acceptance in the concept. Not fully understanding the concepts, in Florida I became familiar with “The Course in Miracles” and the positive message it portrayed. Pathways, Quantum Healing, and the minister at Sunshine Cathedral continually re-enforced the concept that we are love, beautiful, caring, and compassionate souls and people. Yes, we could focus on the destructive forces in the world, they do exist, but we would only contribute to the cumulative pain in the world. By seeing the beauty in us, and in those around us, even though we may disagree with them, and recognize and experience the overwhelming love and beauty in the world we can contribute to the joy in the world. I am mixing what I learned in Florida and at Pathways and in Minnesota. I never realized that there was so much love in the world and with everyone’s support and caring I probably would not be here today.
Yes, I do believe in Miracles. In the week before the final session, when I had given up the idea of going to Florida and living a longer life, I went to the oncologist and my internist and discovered that I was in remission; maybe for a short time or it could last a long time. Our renewal celebration received this reprieve from death with a great deal of joy and amazement. Several participants thought they were the best words they could hear and I hope they receive the same glad tidings. Thank you Pathways for helping me see a way through a very difficult time.
Year in Florida
After the final session of Renewing Life, Nathan drove me to Florida for the winter. We arrived there on Thanksgiving Day. I owe so many thanks and feel such love for my son who has been by my side throughout the whole ordeal. We left Minnesota and visited with my family in Ohio. Indeed, the family reunion last August was not the final farewell. We gently toured West Virginia, North Carolina where we spent some time with Nathan’s friend Chris and then on to Delray Beach, Florida.
This has probably been the happiest and most delightful 5 months of my life. I amazed myself by feeling really good and doing many things that I thought I would never do again, like visiting my family in Ohio. I continued to put on weight and am now holding my own. I had energy that didn’t quit and I reconnected with many friends that I thought I would never see. My dear friend Steve came in January and stayed through March. He was a tremendous support and help. To my amazement, I was able to drive to support groups, discussion groups, the beach and wherever I wanted to go. I spent a lot of time at the beach, walking in the wetlands to see my gators, and shopping. I have learned that I don’t have to understand why I am in remission, but that I need to love every good day that I have. My friends all have ailing backs, flagging energy, eating and bowel and bladder problems. I was blessed being spared these problems. I had many discussions about death and dying and acknowledged that I probably would not have another season in Florida. I found a special friend for Christmas Eve and New Year’s Night. We had many parties and my friends came through.
At Carol’s (Pathways) I looked for alternative and complementary healing places in South Florida. I had a brief 2 to 3 sessions at the Quantum Healing Center in Delray Beach. Mike, I was alone with him and his wife for a session on meditation. He did some interesting things with Chakras and helped develop my daily meditation before arising in the morning. I learned to explore all parts of my body and to thank my stomach and liver for one more good day. With the help of Brian he added depth to my practice and it made 6-8 in the morning a very blissful and special time for living with my situation.
When I left Florida I had many goodbyes and that without a miracle I would not be back. However, I experienced a miracle for being there this last winter and it appears possible that I will have another special winter in the coming year.
I also visited Nathan in San Diego and had a chance to reconnect with all my friends there. I had a chance to walk for 1 1/2 hours in the Desert in Palm Springs. With Nathan and his friend Chris I rented a car in San Diego and drove to Las Vegas and returned – all things that I could not comprehend doing again. To top off the year a drove home to Minneapolis by myself.
As I related these instances to my oncologist, he had about 10 minutes of “it’s unbelievable”. My weight was good, my energy was good, I walked around Lake Harriet before seeing him and he could feel no growth on my liver. He left it up to me as to whether or not to see him. I set an appointment for 3 months. I don’t know how long the remission will last and that is not important. What I have learned is the value a treasuring every moment when I feel good.
Lyle
Lyle passed away February 15, 2013
Here is a copy of Lyle’s obituary: click here to view.
August 3, 2012
Spontaneous Remission
June 10, 2012
PAIN
I have noticed with friends who have bad backs, bad knees, etc. that the pain captures their minds. The mind focuses on the locus of the pain and if you ask them what part of the body feels good it catches them off guard. Maybe we have to make a conscious effort everyday to explore our bodies and discover the parts of us that feel good and divert the mind from pain. I bring this up because the same applies to social, emotional of psychological pain. Our politicians have learned that if you can instill fear into the voters, fear of the opponent and what he stands for the will make great gains in their support. Talking about the greatness of America, the beauty of the people, is only good for a side comment. If someone insults me I hang on to it and wonder why and think thoughts about “what an idiot he/she is”. Then I discuss it with all of my friends. A compliment or kindness feels good but is taking for granted and is quickly lost. We may need to train or minds to hang onto the goodness in other people and our selves and make that a focus of our concern rather than our fears, anger, precjudices and hatred dominating our thoughts. 2 years of cancer has taught me to look at the glories, love and caring in the world and to try and focus. Our lives are too short to focus on hatred, fear, judgmental attitudes. There is a lot to love and experience in the limited time we have on earth. Lyle
May 23, 2012
Death Sentence Reprieve
After receiving a reprieve from a death sentence, regarding my cancer I can begin to appreciate the joys in life. Many of them are small. A smile, an excuse me, someone giving me their seat on the bus, people inquiring about me and my family. I ride the toughest bus in Minneapolis and each time I do I notice an incredible amount of kindness and caring among the passengers. In our angst at rudeness and other disturbing factors we fail to see the beauty and the warmth around us. We take it for granted and don’t see it. I have noticed my friends with headaches, bad backs, etc. The pain draws our attention to it. It is always a revelation when you ask them what part of the body feels good and describe it! Our minds and our egos try to defend themselves and the process our minds get drawn to the negative energy in our environment. We can, and I have found that when I look for beauty, love, caring and compassion it is all around me.
March 27, 2012
POSITIVE ENERGY
Living with terminal cancer is a challenge. Pathways has thought me that positive energy heals cells and negative energy creates malignant cells. Every day and every moment is a treasure. positive energy is love, compassion, caring, and empathy, Whenever I experience such my soul grows a little. These experiences can be very small such acknowledging a common courtesy. Negative energy causes my soul to shrink. Negative energy is judgmental attitudes, resentment, anger, striving to be better than others and the abscence of love. I have been blessed with so much love in the past year and a half that is unreal. I have had masses said for me and many prayers and positive thoughts. Many people in Florida, Ohio, California, and Minnesota have been pulling for me and enriching my life. Pathways in Minneapolis and Ficam in Delray Beach Florida have put me on the path to joy. A wonderfully loving and caring family has helped make it possible to be happy and alive today. I will probably repeat my self but if I have 3 months or 3 years to live, each day has to be the best day of my life. Lyle
March 10, 2012
GROWING UP ON A FARM
I was thinking today of the privilege I had growing up on a farm. I had the unique experience of working every day very closely with my father. We would pitch manure with a pitchfork while listening to Arthur Godfrey, Julius La Rosa and cast. We would work in tandem in the hay field first with to two horses, Dick and Ted, two beautiful Belgians. Oh, did I love those horses. I will have more info of the joy I remember with them. It took to of us to bring in the hay, harvest the corn and grain. It was an experience few of can relate too. I would drive the horses or the tractor and dad would handle the bales or loose hay on the wagons. At the barn he would be in the haymow spreading the hay evenly while I would manage the forks/or slings and the horses which would take the loose hay on pulleys and tracks to the hay mow. One day one of the horses was stung by a bee and the forks nearly went through the end of the barn. It was neat to know that when the checks for the farm produce came in I had been an integral part of earning it. It was hard work but my mom and dad allowed me lots of time to play and visit my friends in the neighborhood. A unique opportunity to get to know my dad on a very personal level.
March 8, 2012
BEAUTY
I need to see the beauty all around. The ugliness is always there but beauty and joy are abundant and always within reach. I need to train my mind to experience the joys of life. The joys of life help my soul grow a little whereas the ugliness causes my soul to shrink. Today is great. I am San Diego with my son. I have done things this week that I thought would never happen again. Being terminally has given me a gift I never new. Finding the beauty is all aspects of my life. The sun is shining, the flowers are awesome and the mountains and Tijuana in the background are unreal. I have met many wonderful and awesome people this week.. I never thought I would have the experience of being alone and walking for an hour in the beautiful desert at the National Monument in Palm Desert. That I would be able to take a road trip from San Diego to Phoenix to visit Linda’s aunt Florence and Nathan’s childhood friend and my grand nephew in Phoenix. The desert in Eastern California with the San Dunes is overpowering. I don’t need the negative energy that comes from our political acrimony and the negative stories that bombard us on the T.V. My life is good. Love , Lyle